On the death of my best friend

I don't know how I should feel on looking at the birth of my love and death of my only friend. How should I feel on the first breath of my love and the last moments of my friend's life?
I don't know how I should punish myself for killing my only best friend. He was the only person in this whole world to whom I was able to make demands and get them fulfilled. Whose tender touch of hands under my wet eyes used to sweep my tears? My only support in the moments of grief. The only source of solace. The only person who has ever cared for me. The only person who I believe have loved me.

I can no more lie to myself. I am sad. But my pain is certainly nothing compared to the pain this person who is lying on my lap is bearing. I can never comprehend the pain he is facing, on simultaneously taking birth and dying.

I can never love my love because I have always loved my friend.